From Masking to Mastery: Turning Social Coping into Conscious Connection
In a world that demands constant adaptation, many of us have learned to “mask”. This is to hide parts of ourselves in order to fit in, avoid conflict, or meet expectations. But what if this masking isn’t just a defense mechanism, but a strategic tool we can wield with intention? Welcome to the concept of the Secondary Social Strategy, a powerful framework from The EleSense model that helps us understand how we shift our internal drives to better connect with others.
Let’s explore how this strategy works, and how knowing whether you’re an Absolute or Versatile Emblem can transform social coping into conscious connection.
What Is the Secondary Social Strategy?
The Secondary Social Strategy is a temporary, adaptive behavior we use when our primary Element feels insufficient in a social situation. It involves leaning into a Complementary Element to shift our Social Mindset: becoming more Offensive or Defensive depending on the perceived need.
Offensive Mindset: Assertive, expressive, initiating
Defensive Mindset: Receptive, observant, stabilizing
This strategy allows us to compromise our Core Drives (Energy Engine or Reality Lens) without changing our external behavior (our Sphere). It’s a subtle shift - one that others may not notice, but that can feel deeply uncomfortable or exhausting for us.
Masking vs. Mastery
Masking is often unconscious. It’s what we do when we feel we must hide our true selves to survive socially. But mastery is intentional. It’s the ability to recognize when we’re shifting, why we’re doing it, and how to do so without losing ourselves.
The key difference? Awareness.
When we understand our Element, Sphere, and Emblem type, we gain the ability to:
Recognize when we’re leaning into a Complementary Element
Understand the emotional cost of that shift
Choose when and how to adapt: not out of fear, but out of purpose
Absolute vs. Versatile Emblems: Who’s More Likely to Shift?
Your Emblem type determines how readily you use Secondary Social Strategies:
Absolute Emblems tend to resist compromise. Their boundaries are firm, and shifting feels like a betrayal of their core identity.
Versatile Emblems are more fluid. They adapt quickly, often without realizing they’ve shifted, but this can lead to overuse and burnout if not managed consciously.
Moving from Coping to Connection
Here’s how to transform your Secondary Social Strategy from a reactive mask into a conscious tool for connection:
1. Know Your Element and Complementary Element
Identify your primary Element (Fire, Earth, Water, Air)
2. Recognize Your Emblem Type
Are you Absolute or Versatile? This affects how easily you shift and how draining it feels
3. Track Your Shifts
Journal moments when you feel “off” in social situations
Ask: Was I trying to be more Offensive or Defensive? Which Element did I lean into?
4. Set Boundaries Around Adaptation
Versatile Emblems: Practice returning to your element after social compromise
Absolute Emblems: Learn to tolerate short-term shifts without feeling like you’ve lost yourself
5. Communicate Your Needs
Share with trusted friends or teammates when you’re in a compromised state
Use language like: “I’m leaning into a different mindset right now to better connect. I may need time to recharge later.”
Final Thoughts: Connection Without Self-Abandonment
Understanding your Secondary Social Strategy isn’t about avoiding adaptation. Rather, it is about doing it with intention. Whether you’re an Absolute Emblem learning to stretch, or a Versatile Emblem learning to anchor, the goal is the same: connection without self-abandonment.
When we move from masking to mastery, we stop surviving social situations and start thriving in them.